Mitigating Crisis Around the Holidays
A Guide for Adults with Bipolar Disorder, Burned Out Professionals, and Mental Health Caregivers
While holidays and the end of the year are often associated with celebration, connection with loved ones, traditions, and planning for the year ahead, they can also be met with chaos, stress, triggers, and sometimes even unexpected crises. As a licensed therapist that specializes in bipolar disorder, burnout, and mental health caregiving, I want to share some strategies to help get you through this time of year with whatever you may be dealing with. Feel free to scroll down to whichever topic is relevant for you.
Tips for Managing Bipolar Disorder During Fall/Winter
Dark and colder months can bring lower moods, energy, isolation, and depression. You’re staying inside more, it’s hard to get motivated to stay active, and if you’ve struggled with suicidal ideation, that can be exacerbated this time of year, especially if you feel triggered by family gatherings. Here, I break down some key elements to pay attention to if you’re navigating fluctuating mood and symptoms this time of year.
Stick with your routine, but make adjustments
While it’s easy to want to be cozy in your bed and sleep for longer, it’s crucial to stick with your routines. Think about your routine shifting from each season and try to keep things consistent. If you previously went out for walks or hikes in the summer and fall, find ways to get exercise indoors, join a gym, or bundle up with raingear to get outside for fresh air and movement. If you’re traveling to visit family this time of year, plan for taking medications, eating meals, and going to sleep around a similar time each day to limit potential disruption. If you were previously more social during summer or have noticed less social activity, try to make contact with at least one person each day and add this into your daily routine for accountability. These adjustments will go a long way for your overall mood this time of year.
Suicidal ideation and seeing family
Depending on where you fall on the spectrum of suicidal ideation (SI) and where you are at baseline, there’s no question this can increase in colder/winter months, or if you’re anticipating seeing family/extended family who may be a source of stress for you. I strongly recommend having a safety plan in place with a therapist you are working with and plan ahead for triggers that increase SI and identify what you can do to cope before, during, and after family gatherings, so you have a safe outlet.
Be mindful of the time change and the impact on you
Going from 9pm sunsets to 4pm sunsets, sans sun most of the time, especially if you’re living in the PNW, it can feel like an abrupt and unwelcomed shift. You may typically be someone that thrives getting things done later in the day, and the extra daylight was helping you stay productive. Now, it may feel like the day is wasted and the afternoon darkness can be challenging to stay on top of your to-do list. Note the impact this has specifically on you so you can pay more attention to taking advantage of the daylight more intentionally.
Addressing Your Needs as a Burned Out Professional
This is an important time of year for you, as you may be thinking about what changes you want to make to create more happiness in your workplace, how much longer you want to stay at your job, or perhaps you’re planning your swift exit for the new year. While this can be exciting to think about and envision yourself taking different steps for yourself or starting in a new workplace, it doesn’t take away the burnout you’ve already experienced and whether or not you’ve had space to fully process things. Being around family for the holidays may be met with questions or pressure about your plans, and that’s challenging if they are up in the air or you’re not leaving anytime soon. This can also create judgment from others or hearing unsolicited advice on what to do, which is easier said than done not being in your shoes with the burned-out career.
Set healthy boundaries around what you’re comfortable talking about
Yes, you know this. You’ve tried, but loved ones press, even if they have good intent. I suggest you decide ahead of time what your comfort level is. Are you wanting to share the news that you’re leaving? Are you unsure about a timeline and would prefer to wait until that is set before announcing it? Or, are you just not in a place to leave your job this second, so you don’t have any new updates to share? Get clear where you’re at and then determine if you’re needing to set a boundary. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a blanketed general statement you can say, such as, “I appreciate you asking. I’m still sorting things out and figuring out what’s best, but don’t have any more updates at this time. Do you mind if we hold off from talking more about work?” Or even simpler, “I’d prefer if we kept the conversation about non-work-related topics, so I can enjoy this gathering.”
Give yourself time to process and heal
Similar to getting time to heal from a breakup and before being ready to start a new relationship, a similar approach can be applied when moving to a new job following burnout. It’s important you take time to process what just happened, especially so you don’t end up repeating the same thing again. When I work with clients leaving dissatisfied jobs, we make note of things they were so unhappy with, and make sure these are things they can clarify in future interviews with employers to ensure they won’t be returning to a similar toxic environment. If you aren’t leaving your job, perhaps this is a good opportunity to still process and work on healing from the burnout you’ve experienced so things don’t worsen. Either way, I suggest taking time to journal and reflect, talk with loved ones that are open to listening, or work with a therapist so you can head into your next career without so much baggage from your last one or get support with your current situation to make it more manageable.
Treat yourself, however you can
You’ve worked your ass off this year and whether or not your team, colleagues, management, or people you support notice or acknowledge your efforts, you absolutely deserve some sort of break. This by no means needs to be a grand international trip, but are you taking any additional days off before the end of the year? Do you have vacation time you want to use before you give notice? Can you treat yourself to a massage, a night off from household or family duties, or get takeout from your favorite spot? Think about what you can do and how you might want to treat or nurture yourself, so you can enter the new year more rejuvenated and refreshed.
Support for Family Caregivers Helping Loved Ones with Mental Illness
This time of year is also incredibly difficult for you as a family member supporting your ____ (enter adult child, partner or spouse, sibling, or parent). They can feel triggered and more stressed about managing their routines, taking time off, spending expectations, seeing family and relatives in close corners, or even traveling and staying with family and being out of the comfort of their own home. This can also be a time where hospitalization risk or need for a higher level of care can increase due to the number of stressors on their plate. On the flipside, it’s stressful for you trying to support them, figure out your own needs, make tough decisions on whether or not they join for a family gathering if they are in a good mental headspace, and balance needs and demands of other family members. Let’s review some pertinent things to consider for supporting yourself, as well as your loved one that’s struggling with mental illness.
For you and your family’s well-being
You’ve been doing so much for your loved one and it makes sense your vision of how holiday gatherings would ideally go are likely different in reality when you have a family member with serious mental illness. There’s grief with that vision that doesn’t get to come to fruition. Figure out what you’re wanting and what is in your control. It would likely be disruptive to invite your loved one that’s experiencing psychosis to family dinner, and that is perfectly okay to not extend the invite. You are not a bad person for not including them, as they aren’t in a place to engage in a meaningful way at this time. This helps protect and preserve the event and the experience for everyone and allows your loved one to not feel uncomfortable when they can’t make clear decisions for themselves at this time.
Understand their triggers and warning signs
Become aware of what your loved one is triggered and struggling with, especially this time of year, so you can offer support to reduce some of those key triggers. Be able to check in for safety risk and get a sense if they are needing a higher level of care for more support. Check in with basics: sleep, meds, eating, hygiene, and exercise to ensure they are getting these needs met. Are they open to accepting your help or is there tension and you’re needing to set boundaries with how much you can support emotionally and financially. I’ve worked with families that often feel guilty when they treat their loved one with mental illness different from other family members or adult children, especially around financial support. I try to remind them their other children are in a place to engage, are open to accepting mental health treatment, are respectful of boundaries and communication, and are able to be responsible with their finances. There is a difference and I want to normalize that.
Check in with you and your loved one’s needs
What are their needs? Are you assuming or have you asked them what they are needing or how they are feeling this time of year? This can help build trust, something often missing when helping your loved one with mental illness for various reasons. It takes time to reestablish trust in the relationship, especially if your loved one perceives things as broken. Take a moment to pause and ask the questions. Open-ended, non judgmentally, and be genuinely curious.
Then get clear on what your needs are. Are you needing a break, a conversation with another family member that has nothing to do with caring for your loved one, or peace and quiet amidst the chaos? Evaluate your own needs and then try to do something for yourself. It’s okay to give yourself permission to take a break.
Increased Confidence for Coping During the Holidays
I hope this was informative and helpful for addressing how to handle the stressors that come with this time of year for those with bipolar disorder, burnout, and family caregivers. Thank you for taking the time to read and I wish you the best with navigating holidays and family events. Please seek a higher level of care or hospitalization if you’re struggling with safety concerns, need space to stabilize, or require more intense treatment than once/week therapy. Connections Kirkland is a great alternative to the ER if you’re needing more support through their 24/7 urgent mental health care, observation unit, or for inpatient stabilization.
Hi, I’m Michelle Solomon, owner of Roots of Compassion Therapy!
I hope you enjoyed this blog post. I come with over 10 years of experience in the mental health field. In my practice, I provide virtual therapy all across WA and in-person walk and talk sessions in South Seattle for adults with bipolar disorder, burned out healthcare workers and professionals, and family mental health caregivers. Please book a free consultation to get started with services, and I look forward to connecting with you soon!